The spectator

• The one who wants everything but is too naive to realize what needs to be done to achieve it. Remains oblivious.
  
• The one who doesn't want everything but does just enough to achieve what (s)he wants. Sometimes waivers, but is capable of damage control. Is mostly satisfied.
  
• The one who is unsure, denies (s)he wants something because (s)he doesn't want to lose face in case (s)he doesn't achieve something; mainly under-confident. Is mostly in denial, even with self at times. Escapes by taking the 'higher-than-thou' approach and preaching 'accomplishment means nothing in the grander scheme'.
  
• The one who randomly picks something 'to want', fixes focus on it, knows it means nothing in the bigger scheme of things, yet takes efforts for it; wants to throw it away (to prove it really means nothing to him/her) after achieving it. Tends to treat it all as a game. Indifferent after the accomplishment.
  

And then there is the one who is amused to watch them all along. The one who silently scoffs to him/herself and considers them as steps of his/her own evolution. Brimmed with conceit, will this one ever stop for a moment to think what (s)he is without them? Just on his/her own. Maybe if (s)he did, (s)he would discover a blend of all of them or maybe a pure new kind. I wish (s)he stops to realize, even for a moment that (s)he isn't rather can't merely be a spectator.

I don't know where those words came from, I decided to write on the blog tonight and ended up writing something so abstract. So, here is a scoop on something factual.

I have been busy. Work is very exciting; I get to interact with sharp minds all the time. Was overwhelmed initially, but more comfortable now. Although solving cutting edge technology problems can be daunting once solved, it is very rewarding. I spend weekends mostly outdoors.

Trying to discipline my

• body to an active routine (training for a half marathon);
• mind by cutting down TV and spending more time reading.

Not much progress on that front :(

Cooking has gone on a back burner (no pun intended!). Not entirely unhappy about that. I do use it as a stress buster occasionally.

He has moved closer and I get to see him more often. I continue to fall (even more) in love with him. Strange how the graph of increase in affection over time is exactly the opposite compared to my previous trysts, rather flings.

Basically learning to -

• take better pictures (I took the picture in this post),
  
• write better (performance efficient) code (can't share that due to confidentiality agreements),
• drive confidently and
• run at a faster pace.