Heh!

This is quite an interesting blog. I really don't understand why some people get so worked up at stuff that is meant to be humorous :P After all, there is a reason why facts are overly exaggerated to seem so ridiculous that it is funny!
PS: I was totally amused by comments on this post.

Blind Pilot

Watched them live once more last night. Last time I saw this band, they opened for The Decemberists in summer. I heard them for the first time then and was very impressed (and talked about them in this post). Last night they were the main band and I was lucky enough to see them up close. One hell of a show, to say the least :)

There seems to be a steep paradigm shift in the rock scene in recent years. With the internet era, iTunes downloads and music recommendations sites 'Indie' bands are going to overtake the mainstream well established bands. Way to go!

Happy

Just read this amazing quote somewhere. The beauty of simplicity often amuses me :)

"In elementary school, they asked me to write about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "happy". They told me I didn't understand the assignment, I told them they didn't understand life."

~ Unknown

Looking back

Sometimes you get tired of carrying the burdens of the unknown for way too long. They say time heals all pains. Maybe if you found out the answer or real reasons of certain events after a couple of months, you probably don't feel sad that it happened. (More often than not, you're glad it did.) But isn't it human to still feel betrayed? Cos I do.

In retrospect, the fact I found out after ~20 months was because it was carefully hidden till now hoping that time healed everything. That just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I don't think time is going to fix this bitterness.

Frighteningly beautiful

At bottom, everything he desires and plans goes wrong. What he has occasionally set his heart upon has brought him several times to the edge of the abyss and within a hair of destruction; and if he escaped that, it was certainly not with merely a few scratches. Do you suppose that he feels unhappy about that? He made up his mind long ago not to take his own plans and desires too seriously.
"If I do not succeed that this," he says to himself, "I may perhaps succeed at that; and on the whole I do not know whether I do not have more reason to be grateful to my failures than to any success. What constitutes value and the result of life for me lies elsewhere; my pride as well as my misery lie elsewhere. I know more about life because I have so often been at the verge of losing it; and precisely for that reason do I get more out of life than any of you."

- Friedrich Nietzsche [The Gay Science]

At 25

At 25, I don't care how empty the glass is. All that I know is that I need to keep pouring and trying to fill it up until it is full, however long that takes. Perhaps life becomes easier if you compare yours to Sisyphus.

Birthday was fun!

My food blog

Finally decided to pay heed to my friend's suggestion and started a food blog (primarily will post recipes of my successful trysts in the kitchen). I was procrastinating it due to the 'homely/housewife-y' stigma associated with it by the chuvanists. But I figured, food knows no gender bias.
All the recipes and pictures are from yours truely's kitchen :)

http://sudnyaskitchen.blogspot.com/

Pause

The crucial point in most situations is the realization of when to stop, step back, expand scope and see stuff in a grander scheme of things. And only then putting things in perspective is useful, iff at all. What happens after that is unpredictable. It could be the tipping point (that leads to a severe fall into an irrecoverable abyss) or simply a pit-stop (that could drastically turn things around and propel events in a good way). Either way, sooner the better.

My website

Finally ... after eons of procrastination, I finished it. I still can't find much to write there like I do on this blog though .

:)
Here is the 1st version of my personal website -
http://sudnya.info/

Only if you run!

I was never a big fan of Interpol, but this new album by the lead vocalist of Interpol is way too awesome.

.... And that makes me say "Julian Plenti is.... Skyscraper indeed".
I am stuck in a loop with the opening song of this album. There is something about these lines that stir something recursive

'Cause harmless medications abound, and you're not sick

You will make it
But only if you run!

You will make it
But only if you run!

- Only if you run (Julian Plenti)

Do check out the album. Unwind and No chance survival are the next best songs.

Rain!

Until now I'd always get annoyed by the rains spoiling my running plans. But ever since I started training for a half-marathon, I decided to not let the weather ruin my workout. And today I found out that there are probably very few things more refreshing than a nice 5K run in the rain.

Perseverance is more valuable than most things in any worthy accomplishment. (Of course there are exceptions, but those mostly end up being one time wonders.) Learn to change and then to stick :)

Florida!

Florida - road trip - week long getaway - drive to The Keys with the ocean on both sides all along - Miami - beaches - Jamba Juice for lunch everyday (they don't have JJ in Georgia :-| ) - lobsters - crab-cakes - salmons - tunas - cruise - awesome!

Trapped

Wait till the ice melts. Hang on.
Stay warm.
Don't quit fighting the cold, and freeze.
Someday there'll be a warm breeze.
On one such hot and sunny day,
the sun will melt your pain away.

Just one of those days when you wake up early on a weekend.... can't stop thinking about your present, try to pin-point what was it you did (rather did not) that got you here. 2 years away from home. And although the integral sum of life is very good, you can't resist the urge to go fix some parts. Never realized peer pressure had such terrible effects until now. Pink Floyd's "High hopes" has never made so much sense ever before. Ever!

PS: Don't feel sorry for anyone involved. Most circumstances occur cos although they're not desired, they were deserved. Deserved in one way or another, however indirectly.

The Kissaway Trial

An amazing song by an unknown band (rather not-so-popular-band). I couldn't find their album and had to resort to downloading the FIFA 09 soundtracks album to get my hands on this song! :P

Short, simple but sweet lyrics.

"Writing everything down
In order to keep track of time, I
The scent, the day, this moment!
With hands covering my eyes
Shadows they're good, then I know there's light.

We can, we're strong, we'll beat it!
We can, we're strong, we'll beat it!"

- 61 [The Kissaway Trial]

You can find the song here.

Of this and that

If all things that bring true happiness are free,
why then do we keep running under the money tree?

The downside of deriving joy from simple things in life is that people only notice you fretting about trivial stuff. Ironic eh?

___________________________________________

Stalkers are creepy. And no matter what, there is nothing, *absoltuely nothing* flattering about them. The degree to how sad that makes you probably depends on how big a loser each one is, otherwise.

___________________________________________

I don't want to get into arguing how well Slumdog was made or discussing the fallacies it portrays. The only moral I took from it was the bitter truth we know all along but pretend doesn't exist.
Everyone who (offers to?) helps you has a motive to do so, whether ulterior or not. If people don't think they can benefit from you in some way they wouldn't blink before screwing you over.

And I'd argued against this fact when he first told me this. Dismissed it by calling him a cynic. A recent incident shook my faith in mankind and I gave up arguing (in fact ate my previous words) and felt sorry. Not about having to apologize to him, but for being such a fool all along. He just flashed a lovely smile, not in a "toldya so" manner, but more in a "it's okay. Glad you figured it out without too much damage."

Makes me realize how its not such a bad thing to have terrible experiences, better late than never.

Pedicured!

Yes, so after procrastinating it for over 5 months I finally got a pedicure done this week. And liked it quite a bit.

My favourite part was the lady's (pedicurist's) reaction when I asked her if I could get a pedicure without nail-paint after she asked me to select a shade :D She seemed in a vortex of confusion for eternity, so I decided to spare us both the awkwardness and picked the least gaudy colour. Anyhow, I don't remember the last time I saw paint on my toes. I don't think she liked me even one bit, given that I suck at small talk and most of my replies at her attempts of initiating conversations were yes/no.

Although I feel embarrassed about slowly turning so girly (yes, its cool rather convenient to be a tomboy), I realised I have been wearing flip-flops everywhere except the gym ever since.

Writer's block? Uh-huh.

So few people have asked why I haven't been posting much lately. And even the things I write are more or less updates about whats up? with me. Writers' block? you might ask. Well its a little more complicated than that.
A close friend once made a very deep observation about my behavioral pattern. According to him, until now I haven't had a friend who was all encompassing to my expectations from her/him. Be it the need to talk geeky, feel motivated, find emotional support or just have a simple conversation. There was always some piece missing. And in an attempt to fill in the missing piece, I'd turn to other friends, blogs etc. Which is why I had very distinct set of friends with hardly any or no intersection. Now although its not a bad thing, his conclusion was that I lacked a best friend, someone I could talk to about anything and everything without any inhibitions or fear of being judged. No matter how close the person was, I at least had a thin cloak.
I thought about it and realized he was correct. Come of think of it, my blog profile says that I write about things I cannot talk about to anyone. Which brings us back to the question at the beginning of this post, why have I not been posting frequently as before? Well, seems like I got really lucky. Now I have a friend whom I can talk to about anything and everything. There is nothing missing, so I don't resort to blogging to vent out my feelings. It was a scary realization at first since there someone you care about the most, who knows you inside out and thus has the utmost ability to hurt you. So, I was in denial for a while. But then something happened that changed it all. I didn't even have to say the words out loud, and they were heard and understood. Which answers the question as to why I don't blog as much these days. I don't feel the need to. I have someone who hears me out, even when I don't say the words.
Nothing that ever came close to being perfect has lasted in my life so far, which is why I was in denial at first. But knowing that this friendship is mutually important, the prospect was less scary. I am now glad to openly admit that I now have a friend who sees me without the thinnest cloak. And hope (rather know) will last forever. This doesn't mean I am going to stop blogging. No, I will come back and write. But like I once told someone, I tend to blog when I am upset or sad. For the last 4 years this blog has been more of a punch-bag or a dump-yard for my emotional outbursts. And it will take a while before that changes. With some efforts, I should hopefully be able to write about new, cheerful and interesting things and not just events.

These are some thoughts that struck me when I finally quit denying. Sadly I slept over them and wrote them down after I woke up the next morning, which is why they might not be accurate.

As you lay beside me, I am happy
for all the tears I had to shed,
for all the pain I had to bear,
for all the pieces my heart broke into,
for all the abyss of despair I slipped into,
for all the moments I felt lonelier than everyone,
for all the moments I had no faith in anyone,
for all the fear cos of dubious cicumstances,
for all the memories of sad and stolen glances.

All of that strengthens my conviction
of how this moment is so precious,
and how its worth all the strife and action.
You're the motivation why I'm now so couragous.

Hazards of Love

Wasn't a fan of The Decemberists until I heard this album. The only favorite song I had was this. This album tells an interesting tale via all its songs. Watched them live last night and I think they put up a great show. And the opening band viz. Blind Pilots were surprisingly good. The first thing I did after the concert was got their album.
Haven't updated this blog for a while. Mainly cos there s nothing interesting (that I want to share publicly) or noteworthy worth writing about. Life s a rut (not in a good way). Sometimes bad situations last for so long that you move from the denial -> disappointment -> despair -> acceptance phases to simply living through them.
But it s good to have at least some(thing/one) that gives you a reason to keep trying and continuing the strife. Like I once said,

A single goal was never this dear,
the wait is agonizing now its clear.

There are days when I want to stop walking in this dark tunnel cos I am tired of not being able to see any light at the end of it. But then I realize its at least better than sitting in the dark waiting for it to magically light up.

Ending this post with the best lines in the album....

"Singing oh, the hazards of love
Singing oh, the hazards of love
You'll learn soon enough
The prettiest whistles won't wrestle the thistles undone
Undone
Undone
Undone"

Oprah Winfrey's advice

I know posting email forwards on a blog is quite lame / uncreative, but I couldn't resist posting this one. Specially cos I have seen a lot of girlfriends lose sight of friends as soon as a man comes along (and mostly to a bad end later). They call me "not attached enough" since I don't behave like them when I start dating someone. I'd rather be a "detached girlfriend" who has strongly knit long term friends instead of a girl with string of "tightly attached" relationships and no friends. Here s the email I recieved ....

HEAR WHAT OPRAH WINFREY HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN

• If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
• Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
• Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better.
• Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
• If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.
• If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better". You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
• Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
• Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
• Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
• You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.
• Don't ever make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job.
• Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man.
• A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.
• All men are not dogs.
• You should not be the one doing all the bending. Compromise is two way street.
• You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
• You should never look for someone to complete you. A relationship consists of two whole individuals. Look for someone complimentary....not supplementary.
• Make him miss you sometimes.... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
• Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.
• Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. *Keep him in your radar but get to know others.*
  
• You should know that: You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing.
• If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one. They're all watching you, and want you more…. so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one.
• Ladies take care of your own hearts!

The best way out ....

Three years ago, I would have freaked out at the slightest thought of not having a concrete long term plan. There was no scope for taking each day as it comes the way I was raised. You always had to have a plan. That's quite valid as well, when most circumstances are under your control.

But at times life throws a cruel joke at you & the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle is all you're left with. And you can simply try to fix them one piece at a time to the best of your ability, hoping that the bigger picture will take care of itself and turn out to be beautiful. Just not giving up isn't always enough. Beginning smaller battles at a time is much easier && better :)

"Stay still until you know
Tomorrow finds the best way out is through."

Ungodly Hour [The Fray]

PS: I'd highly recommend "How to save a life" and "The Fray" by "The Fray", "The Invitation" and "Contact" by "Thirteen Senses".

Into the fire

Once upon a time, there was someone I really admired. That someone used to say that the true strength of a metal is brought out only after it passes through the fire test. I don't think you have to be a metallurgist to realize that this principle holds for a lot of other things in life as well.


This song I have been listening to reminds me of that. It has grown a lot on me over the last 2 weeks.

Come on, come on
Put your hands into the fire
Explain, explain
As I turn and meet the power
This time, this time
Turning white and senses dire
Pull up, pull up
From one extreme to another

- Into the fire [Thirteen Senses]

The Planets Bend Between Us

Life is never easy, yet I'm glad that I can be thankful to it. For the few constants in this unpredictable world full of variables.

I'm also thankful, to the conditional constants of the past that made me realize the true worth of the unconditional ones & treasure them.

The title of this post is inspired from here.

The Crisis of Credit

For the layman ....


The Crisis of Credit Visualized from Jonathan Jarvis on Vimeo.

Stay off!

If you haven't been informed about something, ever considered the possibility that they did not intend to include you at all? Poking your nose into something that is none of your business might get it stuck someday. Suffocation is an unpleasant thing, now ain't it?

Happy birthday to you!

Some friends are far off way more than usual. Which sucks but with some thoughtfulness / words / actions its comforting to know that so close no matter how far, they couldn't be much more from the heart :)
Here s to one such bud, Happy birthday to you! Wish you have a wonderful year ahead and around me for the next one :)

Hopefully the next birthday will be different than this routine.
And here comes the song (it always has to be a song for Mak). Can't really say why I picked up this one from so many others.

I wanna hold your hand

Can't call myself an ardent Beatles fan. I only listen to the songs that V keeps sending (who by the way is a big fan!) But these days I have kinda started appreciating their music. The simplicity in their lyrics amuses me, though! So much for holding hands.